Stop Parroting Leadership Advice

(You're Doing It Wrong)

'Leaders eat last!' they parrot enthusiastically, while shoving to the front of the lunch line, giving you a smaller cut, leaving for that 3 week vacation and don’t forget the holiday party you’re not invited to. Welcome to the world of leaderbullship (ahem) theater, where everyone's memorized the lines you’ll remember (I’m batman) but nobody's read the stage directions, much less know what the whole damn play is about.

With all the different patterns and “be better, do this thing!” out there, I’ve been noticing a …trend. It’s a trend that hits both sides, good and bad. The good being that people are reading, hearing, and observing seemingly better behaviors - "Leaders eat last!". What could possibly be bad about that you ask? The application of it is just …parroting -- the act of just repeating what was heard and dare I say, without much thought to what is being said.

I see far too many people skirting the effort it takes to apply, or at least dissect an idea into their own. Yes, it's a good thing to add more tools in the toolbox but blindly buying tools and throwing them in a box does not a craftsman create. Throwing these concepts into a drawer, feeling prepared when all they have is another hammer looking for a nail. No matter how hard you squint, those aren't nails ...and they're not looking for a hammer.

The 911 Problem

For example, and stick with me on this, I'd like to think during an emergency, everyone knows to call 911 in case of an emergency. Most will hear that, nod, and not give it another thought. However, there's a catch to this. During some emergency medical training I took (ok, I’ve taken it 4-5 times) there’s a phenomenon (bystander effect) when someone yells out “someone call 911!” …and no one does. Assuming they’re not on their phones, they look at each other, deciding who should call 911. We watched several videos showing exactly this happening, in REALLY bad situations. Situations I'd expect people to know that one thing to do - call 911. It doesn't happen.

Why it doesn’t work

Instead, it's instructed and practiced for us to call on someone, anyone, ideally looking at you and directly point them out -- “YOU, yes you, call 911”. Even if that person has no idea what is going on, giving a direct call to action is far better than expecting someone to act. This is on top of everything else happening around the situation. To be frank, there's a LOT to it, but that simple understanding is a big jump in being effective.

Parroting to Practice

What does this have to do with being better? Not only being able to parrot "call 911!" but adding the layer of "YOU call 911" ...it changes the actions, the outcomes and by extension, the experience when it isn't just parroting what you saw on TV.

We already took a shot at “leaders eat last” so let's take another example that every 'thought leader' loves to parrot: “Does anyone have feedback for me?” …and you get crickets.

Without question, it's good to get feedback (even HBR did a write up on how to not suck at it), but like saying "someone call 911" it doesn't work that well by itself and there's a lot more to it. Digging deeper into "call 911", it's a big jump to be more direct. “Scott, you’ve been at this for a while, where can we do better?”. Scott's been at this longer than anyone and I REALLY want him to call 911 ...me. If that doesn’t get the ball rolling, try the negative question – “I’m not feeling good about this, where will it all go wrong?” and be specific what -this- is and share your concerns.

Let’s Pile it on.

The more you look, the more of these are out there if taken only at the surface. “Move fast and break things” hasn’t been a mantra for a long time now. Does Spotify use the Spotify model? Spoilers. Target has removed the Dojos from their site. “Win friends and influence people” is a book on manipulation. The list goes on.

The Price of Cheap Signals

Reading between the lines here -- when a new concept is heard, read, maybe the first paragraph isn't understanding a concept. That's called cheap signaling. Having those tools in the toolbox requires more than just buying it, the tools and a space to put them. Knowing those tools (concepts) and when to use them (applications) helps bring on the most important thing — when those can be combined with other tools… That’s when you make pure magic.

The Real Toolbox

Becoming a master mechanic doesn’t happen by buying a ton of tools and watching YouTube. You have to, ya know, actually go out and build, fix, maintain, bust your knuckles, screw up, break shit, find out what was missing from it all, and modify it with you know. Same goes for leadership concepts. Read the books, digest them, noodle on them for a bit, counterpoint it, find the flaws with the strengths… and certainly try them out and find the lines in between.

How to Not suck at This

I don’t care what the book says – I care about what YOU think about it and how you’ve applied it. Be specific. Go back to your toolbox and evaluate what tools you now how to use.

So next time you're about to repost that “inspiring” leadershit quote, ask yourself: Do I actually know how to use this tool, or am I just carrying it around to look important and sound like a parroting “thought leader”? Take what they wrote about (it’s outdated by the time its published) …and give us all a view of what’s next.